You can fight a bear with a chainsaw but that doesn't make you cool!

In my last post I promised that I would list some rules for CBG (chainsaw bear grappling) for anyone who was interested enough to play the game. I wasn't going to do this but I actually had someone ask me to put them on here so here goes:

First, before I get into the actual rules let's talk about equipment.

Obviously your gonna need a chainsaw. What kind of chainsaw is entirely up to you.

Alot of first timers think that the bigger their chainsaw is the better chance they

have of beating the bear. WRONG! Please don't make the mistake of

weilding a weapon that you won't be able to swing more than twice before

you become tuckered out. What good is a giant saw if all it's doing is tearing the ground

to bits while you get mauled. I recomend starting out with some medium weight saw so you

can get a nice swing and still do some damage to the bear. I myself like to dual wield

two lightweight handsaws and just jump straight into the fray.

Also, your gonna need a pretty high powered hand gun. This is in case you get into a sticky

situation and you decide to give up. You need something powerful enough to

penetrate a bears skull so don't try to walk into the pit with a .22 or something like it.

I recomend the Desert Eagle. It has enough power to get you out when you need it.

With all that said here's the rules:

1. At the blow of the refs whistle you jump into the bear pit and begin your assault on the bear. Keep in mind the bear has not been fed and will try to eat you. Your sole objective is to kill the bear with your chainsaw and not get killed in the process.

2. You may not at any time use bear traps or feed the bear poison to weaken it.

3. The match ends when you either kill the bear or it kills you. If you've decided that you can't handle all the fury of a hungry grizzly then and only then can you fire upon the bear with your pistol, at that point officials will try their best to get you out of the pit.

That my friends are the official rules to Chainsaw Bear Grappling. To any that find this game interesting you probably were dropped on your head a few too many times in which case this would be the perfect game for you. Enjoy.

I have recently become sickened with the popularity of Jesus. Now, before everyone decides that I'm a hypocrite for being a christian that doesn't want Jesus to become popular let me explain myself, more and more people who don't exactly care about the principals taught in the bible are wearing clothes that are meant to be used to teach those principals. It just seems to me that the message of Christ might get a little skewed if you some dude is stumbling around drunk wearing a "Jesus is my Homeboy" shirt. Don't get me wrong. I really like the idea of Christian t-shirts, I just don't like people wearing christian t-shirts and doing non-christian things. It sends the wrong message about christianity and trivializes Jesus. I realize that about now some people are reading this and saying "Freaking Christian trying to control what people wear". I'm not doing that at all. Wear what you want, but this is my sight and my opinion and I'm entitled to it.

If you don't like it I'll just have to introduce you to Old Justice and Thunda! (that is the name of my fists)

For anyone who is interested I will soon be adding a link to my site where you can ask me any question you have about Christianity. I would like to in closing leave you with a quote that changed my life.

"You can shingle a dog house with pancakes, but ice cream doesn't have bones"

thingsareinteresting.blogspot.com is not responsible for the injuries of any persons who actually attempt to play "chainsaw bear grappling".

Crazy excited and ready to pull a trigger!!

"Well, well Mr.Lynch you thought you could get past me and my army of warriors", he said as he carefully put a bead on the unsuspecting enemy. The anonymous sniper took a breath in and as he exhaled, he slowly clinched the trigger of his weapon and said, "Your mine!". BANG!! The enemy fell and there was nothing but landscape in the snipers scope.

This is just another succesful day in the world of paintball battles. Okay let me explain. If you remember in my last blog I said I was really "jonesing" to play paintball. Well I got to talking about it with some fellas who work here with me and now we have five people who want to play and are going out to buy guns and the appropriate equipment required to participate. I just said all of those big words because I could. It definetly could have been much simpler, for those of you that read that and felt taxed afterwards, I'm sorry. Oh and get an education!

On another note I have really been thinking about the "chainsaw bear fighting sport" and have decided in a future post I will list the rules of this game as I did with "SUBMERSIBLE". The name of the game will be called Chainsaw Bear Grappling or CBG for short. (thanx Joey) I just found out that I have a small following of people in Africa and Europe reading my blog, maybe it's one or the other. It doesn't matter the important thing is that I have people from another time zone and country reading my blog. Hey that's about as exciting to me as if I found out that Batman, Spider-man, and the Easter Bunny were real. Any kids that are reading this, disregard my last statement and keep on believing in the bunny.

I have a new therapy that will replace the "foam bat" therapy. You know that stupidly, absurd, off the wall idea where you and your partner will some how solve your differences by arming yourselves with weapons and attacking each other. What genius thought up that one? (probably Nancy Reagan) Anyways, you get an Xbox, Halo 2, and sometime to play video games. You and your partner make characters with your names as the screen names and then you go at it with fake weapons and pretend to kill each other. I think that is much healthier. Trust me.
With that said and the picture of a man fighting a grizzly bear with chainsaw stuck in your head I bid you, farewell.

It's been awhile.

Today is pretty slow in the PX (where I work) I rode the coolest bike ever yesterday. I think whoever invented the difference between girls and boys bikes got it completely backwards. The girls have the lower bar and they have the bigger seat. We as guys need a bike with a lower bar so if we fall off it doesn't rack us in a place that we don't want to be racked and our butts are bigger as guys and we have the smaller seat. I feel like I'm trying to eat my bicycle seat whenever I sit on it.

I have had the urge lately to play the coolest sport ever. I want to play paintball so bad I'm starting to dream about shooting my paintball gun. It is the most exhilarating, adrenaline pumping game on the planet. Unless fighting a grizzly bear with a chainsaw is a sport, but somehow I don't think that that would be much fun. (it should be a sport) I've gotten back into playing tennis. I should have never stopped practicing. Where I used to have a serve that could scorch the pavement I now find it scorching the back of the fence and everywhere else besides the square it is supposed to go in. I have found Halo 2 to be perhaps the most fun and dually annoying video game ever. I really like to play but I tend to have to play people much better than me and then it is a horrible losing streak of frantic running, quick looking, and poor aiming that always ends with a lost game.

Some people vandalized Hatch auditorium on Monday. I just found out. What kind of kids come to a christian camp and toilet paper the trees, stuff condoms in the drink machines, and tape tampons to the cafeteria. What losers. Oh good one guys you really riled every one up and now you'll be a living legend in the world of pranks. Yeah right. If your going to risk serious trouble to pull of a prank it shouldn't be so lame. These misguided adolescents probably snuck around in the bushes grabbing each others butts laughing at the tampons in their hands. All I can say is that I hope at some point in thier lives they take opportunities to learn more about Christ more serious than planning one of the lamest pranks in history.

On another note I have completely filed all the forms necessary to recieve financial aid from the government and am now waiting in anticipation for my rewards letter to come. I'm really excited because I've been praying for God to provide all the money I need for school in this fafsa and completely believe that he will provide because he rocks the casbaugh! Anyone who is reading this know that Christ is the coolest person I know. Also, cafeteria barbecue is pretty tasty.

Today I was my dad

The internet is an interesting place. I filled my fafsa out online today and it lead to me becoming my father. They needed my Dad's electronic signature, which is impossible because my Dad doesn't have a computer or anything electronic in the house so I decided to sign my Dad up for an e-mail account and apply for a government pin in his stead and he doesn't even know. Well not yet. It just seems kinda of weird to me that as far as the internet knows I'm my Dad. That is really strange. I bet nobody is who they say they are on the internet. (everybody is saying DUH) I'm gonna make a bold statement right and in the words of Popeye the Sailor say, "I am who I am!"

On another note I was reminded this morning of Nancy Reagan's brilliant slogan to defeat drug use in the early 90's. Everybody get ready for this piece of genius, now I don't want to confuse you, okay here it is, "Just say no to drugs" OH MAN DID SHE WIN THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE? Just say no. Wow you know I never thought about that . What a ridiculous suggestion to solve a problem. That wouldn't work for anything else, so why would it work for drugs.

I recently comprised a list of failed just say no slogans, I'll talk about the top 3. Here goes:

"Just say no to robbery"- Yeah that one is real awesome, if it worked. Someone walks up to you with a gun asks for your wallet and you start screaming "NO, NO" You end up with a gunshot wound and an expensive hospital bill. Lame!

"Just say no to debt"- When creditors call you and start to hassle you about all the money you owe because you can't seem to control your need to spend money you don't have on stuff you don't need you can just start screaming "NO, NO" and they will hang up the phone and immediately erase all your unpaid bills. That's amazing....ly lame!!

And my personal favorite,
"Just say no to AIDS"- When your at the doctor and he comes in and says, "I'm sorry Mr. Jones you have the horrible, horrible AIDS virus and your life will be a literal nightmare until you die a painful death" you don't have to worry just say "NO, NO" and your sickness will automatically disentigrate. (also that doctor should be fired)

Nancy Reagan really should get some kind of recognition for her amazing contribution to humanity. In fact I feel it my duty to give her the title of Mrs. Lamity Lame Lame!! Well there we go.

As a closing note Nathan Sloan from www.wilmingsloan.blogspot.com is correct in the fact that singing the thriller sausage song is wonderfully fun. (see Nathans blog for details)
thingsareinteresting.blogspot.com doesn't hold any grudges against Nancy Reagan for her lame comment on drugs.

Cloning is useful for many things!!

I had a rather stimulating conversation this morning at breakfast about clones and the idea of clones stuck with me throughout the day. I have decided to be pro clone. Now some of you might be thinking to yourselves (and I know you are, I can read your minds) a christian who supports cloning, WHAT!!!! Let me explain, I asked three people today to give me three things that are bad in our wonderful world and I would use those things to prove the usefulness clones would provide. Now onto the things:

Tornados- Tornados are a terrifying example of the power nature weilds, behind them they leave destruction, death, and sorrow! Wouldn't it be totally awesome if we could stop a tornado in its tracks? We already have the equipment necesarry to track a tornado, the thing we lack is the "equipment" to stop the tornado. Here's my suggestion: fly an airplane over the tornado and drop thousand upon thousands of rather "plump" clones right into the vortex of the tornado, the combined weight of all those fat clones will slow the wind speed down and the tornado will cease to exsist.

Now you might be asking yourself what would you do with all those dismembered and bloody clones after they had been strewn all over the place by that violent tornado?

World Hunger- Clones would be perfect to end world hunger. You could go around and pick the clones up after a tornado and take them to your local CPP (Clone Processing Plant) to be picked apart and cut into choice pieces of meat and delivered into a grocery store near you. You wouldn't have to wait for a tornado to harvest clones of course you could farm them like animals. We could end world hunger everywhere with the help of tasty, tasty clones. Mmmhmm.

Who would be willing to do this you might ask?

Poverty- We have a problem with the rising number of poor people in the world. Poor people would be the perfect candidates to take on a jobs such as clone harvesting, cutting clones up for food, dropping clones into a tornado, etc. The poor have already been through enough emotionally and physically scarring events to be numb to the point it would take to carry out the tasks necesarry to perform these jobs. In the process they would be getting paid a rather hefty sallary for these jobs and wouldn't have to live on the street any longer. They would no longer be poor! Amazing!

So you see there are many useful things we could use clones for, you just have to remember that clones aren't really people and you don't have to feel bad about the horrible and unfair circumstances that get handed to them straight out of the test tube.

thingsareinteresting.blogspot.com does not support the creating of clones or the use of clone paraphenalia.

Are the magnetic fields in the earth increasing?

The animals here at Caswell have gone flippin insane!! I now know what it feels like to be in Alfred Hitchcocks "The Birds". I was walking out of the Sherrill Chapel after taking care of my bathroom needs and in the tree was a very angry robin squawking his head off at me, for some reason this made me think of that T.V. show "When Animals Attack" Just then as I was thinking about this bird that pecked people in their heads my jedi senses kicked in (or it was the loud shuffling of wings) and warned me that a feathered projectile was flying at my head. I turned my head to the left just in time for a big,black,beastly,bloodthirsty, raven to come flying right over my shoulder in the path where my head used to be. (how about that alliteration)

What exactly was this bird thinking? I am a human being! I and my kind rule the earth with guns and fire! What did the bird think it was gonna do to me? I guess it could have irratated me, in which case I would have destroyed it with my superior intellect! Maybe the bird had some liquid courage in him. Which leads me to my next question. Who is supplying the animals of Fort Caswell with booze? What kind of sick, degenerate person gets animals drunk so they can wreak havoc on unsuspecting people as they walk to work! Who am I asking all these questions to?

On to a more uplifting subject. I along with a friend of mine have created a new pool game that will surely outrank the popularity of the pool itself. The name of the game is SUBMERSIBLE!!!! All you need to play is a pool,a surfboard, and water splash bombs. The rules are as follows:

RULES

1.The person on the submersible is the Submersible Captain. His object is to tag everyone who is not on the submersible and be the only one left in the water. While on the submersible the captain will have missles thrown at him if he is hit with the missles he must abandon the Submersible. Once the submersible is abandoned the first person to get to the submersible is the new Submersible Captain. The Submersible Captain can catch the missles and throw them anywhere he/she likes, in the pool.

2.Everyone who is not on the submersible is an attacker. Attackers use the water bomb aka missles to hit the Submersible Captain. If the Submersible Captain gets too close to you, you are not allowed to hit the captain with the missles.(about 10 feet) If you are targeted for tagging by the Captain you can not knock him off the Submersible, you can however grab the front of the board and push it away from you.

3.If you are tagged you have to sit on the side of the pool and wait until the Submersible Captain is knocked off to get back in.

4.Once there is one last attacker in the pool all the other attackers are allowed to help the last attacker that is in the pool via throwing missles from the pool side.

That kiddies is the game of Submersible, happy playing.

The game of Submersible is trademarked by www.thingsareinteresting.blogspot.com and www.wilmingsloan.blogspot.com. Any attempt to claim the game as your own or capatilize on the game will result in a lawsuit in which case you will be sued! Thank you.

We are already zombies!

I like most other people am becoming swept up in this new Mp3 player tide. I want an Mp3 player so I can listen to whatever songs I want without having to go through the grueling task of picking up that heavy,heavy cd and putting in some kind of "stone age" player. I understand the convience of an Mp3 player and have no problem with the change.

What I don't understand is, why does a name matter so much!? The apple I Pod mini cost 200$ dollars and holds 1000 songs but the Dell Mp3 player has the same technology as the apple version, cost the same, but holds 2500 songs. Now granted I don't know anyone who knows 2500 songs they like and can name, but it is the principle of the thing!

A recent poll conducted by me shows that 3 out of 5 people would still buy and I Pod instead of Dells version of Mp3 player. When I asked them why, they said, "I don't know, I just want an Ipod!" (or something very similar) Now what would compel a person to choose a lesser product for the same price? I would have to say that the media is turning our country into zombies. All over the television and magazines you see really cool and appealing commercials for the I Pod. People choose the I Pod because it is what everyone else wants, they want to be the envy of someone.

If we keep following this path horrible things will happen. People will get sick and die, then mysteriously they will get back up, roam the earth and eat the living, all thanx to popularity!!! I guess then Apple would come out with some form of zombie killing device that people would buy regardless of any better deal. I can already feel the hunger for.........well corndogs!

People can be bought like stamps but you can't stick them to an envelope.

People change their minds to much! I think that once you commit yourself to an idea you should have to stick with it for at least a week. I think that you should recieve a shock helmet in the mail upon each new idea you adopt. Everytime you contradict yourself in according to your idea in converstation, thought, or anything else you should recieve a very painful shock straight to your cerebellum. I'm talking, there should be puddle of drool at your feet after the shock. This way people wouldn't be so quick to adopt ideas they dont really know about.

On another note I believe the sun might actually be a warfare device of some foreign country because I was in the sun all day today and I feel pooped! I think they are trying to sap America's people of their energy so they can sell us overlypriced foregn goods like swedish water or canadian air and cripple our economy! I think it might work like a giant bug zapper or something. Anyway you look at it, it has to be scandal!

Learned that just because you completely believe you can do something doesn't mean that you can actually do it. I stood there on the beach carefully studying the movements of the surfers in the water and surveying the waves and the way they rolled in. I jumped in the water on my brothers longboard fully expecting to carve the waves up and quickly realized that the ocean was alive and was trying to KILL me! I think the concept of being able to do anything only actually applies to God.

At this point I'm going to admit that the title of this post has absolutely nothing to do with the post itself I just liked the way that it sounded and goodnight!